How To Deal With Fear (Once And For All!)

23nov-4Whenever I think about doing something new, something much bigger than I’ve done before – something that I know is going to stretch me and make me feel very uncomfortable at times – I feel fearful to begin with.

The truth is that every woman who consistently achieves her dreams, and who is continuously growing into the EXTRAORDINARY woman she was born to be, feels fearful – and often. It goes with the territory of following the less-trodden path!

What’s also true for me is that I’d rather ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’, than live an average life of mediocrity and non-fulfilment. That’s not who I was born to be – and it’s not who YOU were born to be. In fact, virtually everyone who works with me tells me that one of their top 3 fears is of being average, mediocre and not realising their potential. It’s music to my ears, I can tell you!

Because you and I were born to be extraordinary.23nov-5

We were born to blaze trails, to be leaders, to make our unique voice heard in the world, to bang our own drum and to inspire others – to make our difference by being simply, spectacularly us.

I lead in an overtly loving, fairly extravagant, crazy, sequinned way; your leadership style may be quiet, calm and understated. The world needs all styles of leadership and the beauty of the Simply YOU! ethos is that you’re extraordinary just as you are and that you’re utterly perfect for the difference that you were born to make.

In fact, every human being was born to be extraordinary, but most people don’t step into it – because of FEAR.

23nov-6…..Fear of falling, fear of failing, fear of looking stupid, fear of not being enough or knowing enough ……

I’ve failed, I’ve fallen, I look silly quite often (which I totally embrace!) – BUT, my confidence to keep doing what I do comes from a deep-down certainty and belief that I am always good enough, that I always know enough and that if I don’t do my thing, the people who need to be inspired by me will never experience my brand of inspiration. I long ago had this very conversation with the fearful voice in my head – she got with the programme pretty quickly when she understood that I have everything under control!

And that’s the secret – being in control. None of us is completely without fears – the secret is knowing how to deal with them, so that they don’t ever stop us doing what we want to do or being who we were born to be.

So, whenever a fear comes up for you, you can take control of the situation. Face the fear head-on, by following this simple 4-step process:

1. Ask yourself, ‘What actually would happen if this fear came true?’

And now just sit with the question for a little while…. Visualise it coming true….. the worst possible scenario

Then ask yourself, ‘Would I be okay?’ and listen for the answers that come into your mind.

23nov-72. List all the probable outcomes

This helps your mind to see and focus on the reality, rather than the fear – then it can start coming up with a contingency plan, to help you feel secure.

3. List what’s most important to you about this situation

Because fears arise over things that really matter!

Now focus on what’s important, rather than the fear. The fearful voice that you hear in your head is just a part of you that wants to keep you safe from perceived harm/failure/disappointment – a bit like an over-protective parent! As my own son told me some years ago – ‘I have to have my own experiences and make my own mistakes, to enable me to grow’. This is the way you need to be talking to the voice in your head. All she wants to know is that, whatever happens, you’ll be okay. Then she can rest easy, knowing you’re in control.

4. Fail fast!

Take risks, make mistakes, fall down often and get things wrong as quickly as you can. Each time you fall, you’ll get up again, dust yourself off and carry on. And you’ll prove to yourself that it’s all just part of experiencing a BIG life and growing into the extraordinary woman that you were born to be.

Don’t let fear be the thing that holds you back – that would be such a tragic waste of your talents and gifts.

Now you know that you can face your fears, deal with them quickly and move forward into EXTRAORDINARY – what is it that you’re going to do next to make your difference?

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