How To Deal With The Guilt Factor

Did you know that guilt is a learned response?

We’re not born with guilt – or fear, for that matter (since guilt ultimately comes from a fear of something) – as part of our emotional make-up.

In fact, the only two fears we have as tiny human babies are a fear of loud noises and a fear of falling.

That’s it – nothing else.

So, let’s look at the big picture first….

I believe that we’re born spiritually and emotionally whole and perfect, so we have nothing, at that core level, to feel guilty about. We are guilty of absolutely nothing.

I like this version of who we truly are, from Elizabeth Gilbert’s “Eat, Pray, Love”:

”The Yogis say that human discontentment is a simple case of mistaken identity. We’re miserable because we think we’re mere individuals, alone with our fears and flaws and resentments and mortality.

We wrongly believe that our limited little egos constitute our whole nature. We have failed to recognise our deeper, divine character.

We don’t realise that, somewhere within us all, there exists a Supreme Self, who is eternally at peace. That Supreme Self is our true identity, universal and divine.”

Guilt has no place in what is the natural state of our real identity.  It is not our truth.  We learn guilt – from our parents, and from other significant & influential people in our lives as we’re growing up.  I used to feel guilty about so many things, as a child, a teenager and a young adult – what a terrible waste of precious youth!

We inherit mistaken beliefs and we develop guilt as a result.

So, that’s the big picture. Now, let’s explore the place where so many women find themselves, in terms of The Guilt Factor.

Women – even, I’m finding, young women (because they’ve inherited The Guilt Factor from their mothers) – are feeling guilty about their feelings of wanting to be happy, fulfilled and needing to spend time on their own growth, development and simply having fun.

Isn’t this a tragedy?

At this juncture, let’s go back again to the 5 facts, as I’ve defined them from my studies into Life Purpose, about why we’re here on this beautiful planet:

Fact 1: We’re here to be 100% ourselves

Fact 2: We’re here to enjoy our lives, have fun and do the things we love

Fact 3: We’re here to learn, grow and share what we’ve learned

Fact 4: We’re here to fulfil our amazing potential

Fact 5: We’re here to make our contribution and our unique difference.

Simple, isn’t it? Certainly not rocket science.

So why do we complicate it by putting in barriers to our fulfilment and happiness?

My studies, and my experience of life and people, have shown me that these are the things in life that people deeply yearn for.  It’s part of the human condition, and nature itself, to want to be the best, most magnificent version of us that we can possibly be.

That’s the purpose of life!

But how can we do all of this if we feel guilty about doing it? (Or not worthy?)

You can’t fulfil your purpose if you don’t create time and space for yourself, to know yourself, love yourself, find out the details of your UPFM (Unique Personal Fusion of Magnificence) and then use it to make your difference.

So, if you’re still dealing with The Guilt Factor, I want you to ask yourself these questions to help you get rid of it once and for all:

1. What is it, actually, that I think I’m guilty of?

2. What belief have I inherited that leads to the guilty feeling?

3. Where/who does it come from?

4. How true is it?

5. What causes me to have fear about it?

6. What is The Guilt Factor stopping me from doing?

7. Who will I be without it?

8. What will being free of it mean for my life?

Finally, let’s address the feelings of guilt we have when we’ve done or said something that we wish hadn’t.

Because guilt has no place in anyone’s life – let alone women like us, who choose to be extraordinary.

Instead of feeling guilty, ask yourself, ‘What’s the learning I can take from this?’

Make any amends you need to, take the learning from it and decide how you’ll do things differently in future – and then move on!

Guilt is a waste of emotion and energy; it’s a learned response and it doesn’t serve us to hold onto it.

So let it go today and think about what you’re going to do with the wonderful expanse of the rest of your life!